Why Comedian James Barr’s Fiercely Funny Show About Domestic Abuse Is Changing the Conversation

Comedian, presenter and podcaster, James Barr is best known for his sharp wit, candid confessions and no-filter approach to love and dating especially on the airwaves. But his stand-up show, Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum), marks a powerful shift. Drawing from his own experience of domestic abuse in a queer relationship, the show is both a brutally honest account of emotional manipulation and a fiercely funny exploration of how we lose - and rebuild - our sense of self. As he prepares to take the show back to the Edinburgh Fringe for its ‘second debut’,  James opens up about breaking the silence, reclaiming his story, and finding humour in even the darkest places.

Hey James, welcome back! 

Thanks babe xox

Tell us about being nominated at the British LGBT Awards this year.

I had absolutely no idea that was going to happen. I was in Australia at the time, performing my show in Adelaide. I was literally on the beach with a hot Australian man pretending to be footloose and trauma free and I received a message to tell me I’d been nominated for talking about Domestic Abuse in comedy… I cried. He held me. Then I laughed because it was absolutely ridiculous. It’s a reminder to be thankful for all of life’s experiences, even the ones that hurt us. 

Last time we spoke about “Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum)” you were heading out on tour, how was it? And are you looking forward to going back to the Fringe?It started with an audience of 15 in Weston-Super-Mare and ended with a sold-out night at London’s Park Theatre. I’ve never worked harder on anything. I’ve re-written this show over and over, finding the balance between safety and unsafety, figuring out what’s funny, what’s not, and how to speak from a place of actual truth.

I’ve had to re-learn comedy. And it’s been the most challenging thing I’ve ever done but honestly, the most rewarding.

I used to come to Edinburgh hoping to be discovered. To win something. To get a special. But this year? I believe in the show so much that if no one came, I’d just think, “That’s mad.” Because I know what’s gone into it. The hours, the rewrites, the brilliant comedy friends who’ve helped shape it, the insight from amazing people like Russell T Davies, the support from domestic abuse charities, and the perspective I’ve gained from performing it around the world.

I’m proud of it. Not because I think I’m great. But because it’s taken a village, it’s taken a lot of love, and this show, like me, is ready.

Did you initially intend this show to be a form of social commentary, or did that emerge as the work evolved?

Honestly, yes. I think I always knew this show was going to be a form of social commentary. I started writing it because I needed someone to take accountability. And I knew my ex wouldn’t. People who cause harm rarely do and the world tends to let them off the hook.

Stories like mine get silenced all the time, especially in queer spaces where we’re trying so hard to prove we’re “normal” and love is love and everything’s fine. I needed to say something. Loudly. Also… everything I did in the chaos afterwards was so ridiculous it begged to be documented. I ended up screaming at Piers Morgan and a dwarf on live TV in front of millions. That’s not trauma, that’s material. And I won’t stop until this story is heard or it’s being debated in parliament lol. I want to change how we talk about domestic abuse so that more people feel seen, feel safe, and feel able to either stop hurting others or leave someone who’s hurting them.

How do you think humour allows you to reach audiences that might otherwise feel distanced from the topic?

Laughter has always helped us to move through our pain, if we can take all of the horrible things that happen to us and laugh at them - we can reclaim our power. We take the shame out of this stuff, and that’s what this is. People always say “you can’t say anything anymore” or that “comedy is cancelled”, “it’s all too woke”. They should watch my show. I literally spend an hour telling jokes about domestic abuse, and it’s fucking funny. Humour allows us to take stories to places that were otherwise silent. I only ever saw stories about domestic abuse in serious, hard hitting documentaries which made it incredibly difficult for me to spot, even when I was in it. Now, it can’t hide. 

What’s the most surprising audience reaction you’ve received so far?

When I first started performing it, I genuinely thought no one would care, I thought people would hit me, I thought I’d be told “this isn’t real abuse”. I expected to be silenced. I thought I’d be arrested for telling a joke that felt too offensive.  I’ve been completely surprised by the support. I was taken aback by the love and strength of fellow survivors that told me I was doing exactly the right thing, and honestly I carry them with me. This is not just for me, it’s for all of us. 

What message do you hope stays with audiences long after they leave the theatre?I want us to be able to see abuse, so that we can say abuse. And finally, sort it. See it, say it sorted? To be honest…. I don’t want to ruin my new ending but there’s a pretty enormous and rousing call to action that definitely sparks conversations as you leave. If you’re a regular fringe person, make sure you don’t book a show immediately after mine because you’ll need a minute to recover, hehe xox

And what’s your one top tip for the Fringe for a punter who’s never been before?

See as many shows as possible, and don’t always follow the noise. Chat to a flyerer. Get a vibe for a show you haven’t heard of and stumble in. Make sure you book a few things ahead but keep big chunks of your diary free. Buy local coffee, support local Edinburgh businesses if you can and my god make sure you’re at the Panquake Van by George Square at 3am because it’s the one.

James Barr is taking his show Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum) to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival from 30th July – 24th August

For tickets and more information, visit: https://www.underbellyedinburgh.co.uk/events/event/james-barr-sorry-i-hurt-your-son-