From being homeless to being on Black Mirror, this is the extraordinary journey of Sasha Krohn – a physical performance artist from Ireland who is taking his incredible show ‘The Weight of Shadow’ to the Edinburgh Fringe this summer. The show depicts 24 hours in the life of a psychiatric patient suffering from anxiety, depression, PTSD and BPD and is inspired by his real-life partners real-life experiences. Here, he tells us the amazing story of how he got to this point and why the song ‘Move’ On Up’ changed the direction of life completely.
This is a hugely personal story and we assume your partner Ciana had a lot of input into the show – how did the collaborative process work? Why did you decide to portray her on stage?
It was a very smooth process to be fair. In the first instance I just gathered a lot of background information on how Cíana felt in certain situations, how she would respond to the situations, how she would try and navigate through it. Once I had an idea of it all, I started playing around with movements and sequences that could potentially describe her experiences in physical form. I would show them to Cíana and she would give me honest feedback, which was needed, simply because I would sometimes be way overboard with my understanding and therefore movements and tricks. Massive movements, bold,“loud” which then turned out to be too much compared to what it truly felt like. It was great for me to just get a better understanding, to get a hint of what it feels like having to navigate life with such severe mental health issues.
Now, it’s not that I had the idea of making a show about mental health and then chose to portray Cíanas experience. It was Cíana who inspired it all. Being there every day and seeing the struggle, and the state of emptiness, darkness that constantly kept creeping back, the anxiety, the self-criticism and doubts….all of it just provoked a deeper curiosity: What does it feel like? How do you manage? At the same time it was sometimes irritating to witness, that though we as a society are openly talking about mental health these days, there are still people, even some mental health professionals(!), with a very stigmatised understanding, sometimes simply ignorance.
I asked if she would be OK with me trying to make a show about her experiences as I saw them & as she felt them. The idea was to simply show how it would look like if you could personify mental health issues such as PTSD, BPD, anxiety etc. Her trust in me to not glorify it, to tell it how it is, and the openness to be my inspiration was and is something very special, and it just made the process of this show much easier, despite the topic.
What inspired you to pursue this career?
Oh Jesus, that’s a chaotic one like.
In very short: the song ‘ Move on up’ by Curtis Mayfield
Once upon a time there was everything and nothing. I found this career quite late, compared to a lot of other performers. My background is a bit of a mixed bag. I worked in health care as my main job about 20 years back, which was a love/hate (Nidge!) relationship. Loved helping people, hated the hours. Eventually, I started buzzing about and did all sorts of jobs: working from lettings agencies, construction sites to medical market research companies …with each job a small part of me died.
Since childhood I always tried a lot of things, finished a few. All sorts of sports and hobbies, dancing, instruments. A few things stuck, such as playing instruments, making music. Eventually a friend of a friend wanders abouts and asks me if I’d be interested in joining a band, slappin’ da bass for them. In my head I had no clue that it would stretch beyond the rehearsal and occasional pub gig but lo-and behold that entire thing actually went as far as a record deal and that. This actually happened quite quickly, after I joined the band (sorry to disappoint, this was not due to my incredible talent of being able to repeatedly play an E) and within a year we were on European Tour with a big tour bus and the whole shebang. Sounds fancy and fun, and looking back now I can laugh about it, but Christ on a bike I wouldn’t do it again. Shortly after the tour the frontman and I fell out, and because I already had doubts about it all, I left the band.
Then it went into full blown homelessness. Sleeping rough, collecting money off the streets, near ticket machines, going to internet cafes using the money and applying for jobs. Return a few days later and check if anyone replied, repeat. And eventually I got lucky. I ended up working a few more odd jobs, as mentioned above. Some of it sound, some of it worth an investigation. In the meantime, desperately trying to find my next creative output, because I was just after a bad break up with music and could not handle touching any instrument. I started messing around with all sorts of stuff and ended up doing small acting jobs. This happened by absolute chance and only because a friend of mine mentioned an opportunity as an extra on a film set. That then lead to a role for several short films for Virgin Media a very brief appearance on Black Mirror and international film festivals. And again, just as a young kid, didn’t like it. Didn’t continue. At the same time still working meaningless jobs. Either calling people to ask them to rate the density of locally sourced concrete on a scale from 1-10, writing reports about IT issues that I couldn’t care less about or mildly suffocating in a mouldy house, plastering over black mould. Eventually, I had an interview at some sales job that seemed to only have the benefit of giving me the feeling of adulthood. That interview, or at least the way there, was the moment it all fell into place. As I was standing in the lift on my way up to the interview, listening to music on my headphones, the song ‘Move on up’ by Curtis Mayfield came on. I started boppin’ away to it, a wee jig turned into a full blown ‘My Lift = My Dancefloor’ moment, and suddenly I have this very clear thought of ‘THAT’S what I want to do. I want to move, dance!’. As soon as the lift arrived at the floor I was meant to get off, I pressed to go down again, called a friend of mine who was running a dance studio and asked her if there’s any chance for me to just have a space every now and then to move, and train in. She was an absolute star and told me I could have one of the studios in the morning for a few hours. Then I called a simple market research company nearby, told them that I would be available for evening hours (double money, half the time working = full days pay, half day work) , and off I went. In the mornings I would train, in the evenings I would work. After a few weeks I saw somebody in the other studios hanging on aerial silks, which to me at that time was just mind blowing to watch. I asked her if it’d be OK to try it myself, and she showed me a few bits and bops. And that was the final key. I bought all the materials required, and then trained in dance, movements, aerial acrobatics, hand balancing every day, taught myself everything and after 2 years started my first performances. It’s been over 10 years now, and I am still boppin’ to Curtis.
What is the story behind the name of the show – The Weight of Shadow?
Actually just curiosity. I was just wondering if shadow has any weight. Might sound stupid, but turned out not to be as stupid as might sound at first. I found several pages and research materials surrounding the subject, and as it turns out…….no-one really knows.
Some argue that with a very sensitive scale we’d be able to see a miniscule shift when shadow hits an object on it. The others argue ‘Stop doing drugs and touch some grass’. Seriously though, the counter argument for it having no weight, would be lack of mass.
But both arguments seemed perfectly fitting: Our shadow is our soul and mind, and always with us. Even though these shadows are seemingly the same with all of us, for some of us they feel like a weight and to others they don’t. Both are true realities; both need to be accepted and talked about.
And that’s how the title came about. I just thought it to be perfectly suitable, and found it paints a very distinct picture and describes the show very well.
Would you say The Weight of Shadow is educational, entertaining, thought-provoking, or all of the above?
What is the overarching message you’d like to get across with The Weight of Shadow?
Hard to say, I wouldn’t want to be the judge of my own work, but I would hope all of the above. Educational to those who are curious to find out more about mental health issues and its impact, but at the same time entertaining to everyone interested to see how this topic translates into physical form.
I wouldn’t necessarily say, that there’s an overarching message as such but I am hoping it leaves people with a feeling of hope (not wanting to give too much away now), feeling understood and maybe a feeling of understanding. My personal overarching message in conjunction with the show would be: Speak up! Don’t be shy! You are NOT a bother! You can still smile with a broken bone, but you can’t smile with a broken soul.
And who would you say this piece is for? Who do you hope buys a ticket?
To be fair I am hoping for a large variety of audience members. People interested in the subject, people affected by the subject, people interested in physical theatre, people interested in some aspects of the show such as aerial acrobatics…..
I truly just hope that all of them enjoy the show and are happy to be stuck in a theatre with me for 55 minutes.
The Weight of Shadow will be performed at 12:15 at Assembly Checkpoint from 1st – 25th August (Not 7th, 22nd or 23rd)
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